IS THAT ENGLISH?

The answer is NO!

 

In India, the English language gets messed up in some way or the other. They butcher the language!

 

I had a really hard time trying to understand people in India. Only one person about me (my friend) could speak decent English; the rest couldn't even say much more than: you had your breakfast? And, mind you, some of them were teachers in an English Medium School where they were supposed to teach all the subjects in English!

I realized how tough it was going to be to teach English there my first day at school, when I told the children to pronounce the letters and they said, "yem" (m), "yen" (n) and "yel" (l).

Indian English acquire the attributes of specific Indian languages, sometimes to make it incomprehensible to anybody unfamiliar with Indian English speakers. Colloquial English there is so heavily spiced with their other languages that it has become the patois of a growing number of people. Some people call it Chutney English!

Examples:

-"what is your good name?" It might sound like a parody, but I think it's a literal translation from Hindi. It makes you wonder if anyone has a bad name!

-"hotel"; any restaurant is a hotel in Indian parlance, even  a small street eatery.

-"little, little" or any other repetition to emphasise a subject.

-"only" and "but" make unexpected appearances in any part of any sentence, specially at the end.

-"what to do?" instead of "what can be done?".

-"simply" rather than saying, "I don't know why".

-"is there" in place of "it is" or "there is".

-"paining" and not "hurting".

-"come fastly" is also very common.

-And last but not least "full". They don't use the word "very". People are "full tired" or "full busy", but you have to extend the "u" when you say it if you want to seem Indian!

Then they use the future tense a lot. Everything is future, it doesn't matter if it happened yesterday or it is happening in this moment. Will!

And they also make up words. For instance: brinjal (eggplant), tiffin (lunch) or loose motions (diarrhea).

As pronunciation regards, they have different issues. For example they can't pronounce the "w" properly. They make a "v" sound. Try to say "where" pronouncing a "v". Difficult eh? The "th" is nearly always pronounced like a "t". So they say "ting" in place of "thing". And they roll the "r" in such a way you'd think they are Spanish!

The irony is that English has seen a revival inasmuch as it has become the language beckoning youth because it's the language of aspiration that will fetch jobs and money.

Another chapter apart deserves the spelling mistakes displayed on posters and writings on walls. Oh, my! Only in India can you see:

 

They have mangled the English language beyond recognition. What to do, but? They are like that only!

If you fancy, take a peek at this hilarious video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfcBrc1zwes

P.S.: This post is NOT meant to insult any Indians.

VINAYAKA CHAVITHI

Ganesha is widely worshipped as the god of wisdom, prosperity and good fortune and traditionally invoked at the beginning of any new venture or undertaking.

 

Vinayaka Chavithi is a Hindu festival celebrated on the rebirth of Lord Ganesha, Shiva and Parvati's son. Indians celebrate this festival with great fervour since they believe that Lord Ganesh bestows his presence on earth for all his devotees during this festival.

The festival begins on the fourth day of the waxing moon in the Hindu calendar month of Bhaadrapada and it lasts 10 days. Weeks or even months before, artistic clay models of Lord Ganesha are made for sale by specially skilled artisans. They are ostentatiously decorated. People place these idols of Ganesha on raised platforms in colourfully decorated homes or in purposefully erected temporary outdoors tents for people to view and pay their homage. These structures, called pandals, are decorated with flower garlands, lights or theme based decorations which depict religious or current events. For 10 days devotees offer Ganesh coconuts, jaggery or sweets such as karanji, vada and laddoo, which the women of the house prepare laborously. And the priest, with the chanting of mantras, invokes the presence of Ganesha. On the eleventh day, the image is taken through the streets in a procession accompanied with dancing, singing and boozing to be immersed in a river or the sea symbolizing the see-off of the Lord in his journey towards his abode, while taking away everybody's misfortunes with him.

 

 

 

In my case, as I was a neophyte, I was taken from house to house and from temple to temple. My pupils and their families showed me all the poojas and traditions and fed me with all the sweets you can think of. I witnessed a snake pooja with Rundha;

 

 

I visited a little temple with some of the inhabitants of Marlapalle (where I was given rice and fruits and my face was 'made up');

I attended another pooja in Bharath's house (he chanted a kind of mantra while her mother offered Ganesh food and flowers);

I saw the sweet preparation at Bavith's house; I viewed a street pooja with Anuradha and Navya Sree;

And I finally saw the immersion in the river in Singirigunta;

 

 

Everywhere I went I ate, ate and ate, so imagine the stomachache I had and how many kilos I had put on when the festival finished!

 

They also told me two stories about Ganesh's creation. I'll tell you both.

The first one goes:

Once, while goddess Parvati wanted to take a bath, there were no attendants around to guard her and stop anyone from accidentally entering the house. Hence she created an image of a boy out of paste and infused life into it, and thus Ganesha was born. Parvati ordered Ganesha not to allow anybody to enter the house, and he obediently followed his mother's orders. After a while Shiva returned from outside, and as he tried to enter the house, Ganesha stopped him. Shiva was furious at this strange little boy who dared to challenge him. He told Ganesha that he was Parvati's husband, and demanded that he let him go in. But Ganesha refused to hear him. Shiva lost his patience and had a fierce battle with Ganesha. At least he severed Ganesha's head with his trishula. When Parvati came out and saw her son's lifeless body, she was very angry and sad. She demanded that Shiva restore Ganesha's life at once. Unfortunately, Shiva's trishula was so powerful that it had hurled Ganesha's head very far off. All attempts to find the head were in vain. As a last resort, Shiva approached Brahma, who suggested that he replace Ganesha's head with the first living being that came his way which lay with its head facing north. Shiva then sent his disciples to do so. They found a dying elephant which slept in this manner, and took its head, attaching the elephant's head to Ganesha's body and bringing him back to life.

The second one, my favourite, is:

On the insistence of Shiva, Parvati fasted for a year to propitiate Vishnu so that he would grant her a son. Lord Vishnu, after the completion of the sacrifice, announced that he would incarnate himself as her son. Accordingly, Krishna was born to Parvati as a charming infant. This event was celebrated with great enthusiasm and all the gods were invited to take a look at the baby. However, Shani hesitated to look at the baby since Shani was cursed with the gaze of destruction. Parvati insisted that he look at the baby, which he did, and immediately the infant's head fell off. Seeing Shiva and Parvati grief stricken, Vishnu mounted on his divine eagle and rushed to the banks of a river, from where he brought back the head of a young elephant. It was joined with the headless body of Parvati's son, thus reviving him. The infant was named Ganesha and all the gods blessed him and wished him power and prosperity.  

You choose the one you like best, but, anyway, may the blessings of Sri Ganesha be upon you all! May he remove all the obstacles that stand in your spiritual path! May he bestow on you all material prosperity as well as liberation!

And if you fancy, watch this Goodness Gracious Me video on a 'miracle':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGYLD00e0-I&index=52&list=PLO0ECaYdRuu1rWo22A_GfrTbUEVeI72DU

 

INDIA'S INDEPENDENCE DAY

Today, August 15th, Indians celebrate their Independence Day. They commemorate they awoke to life and freedom. As Jawaharlal Nehru said, they stepped out from the old to the new. After more than two hundred years of British rule, India finally won back its freedom in 1947.

All the patriotic hearts rejoiced at seeing India becoming a sovereign nation. It was a birth of a new nation and a new beginning. The only fact that marred the happiness was the fact that the country was divided into India and Pakistan and the violent riots took away a  number of lives.

Everybody, irrespective of caste, creed and religion, does something or the other to mark the birth of the world's biggest democracy. All the schools and colleges across the nation hoist the national flag on the rooftops and the buildings to symbolize the stature of the national flag as nation's pride. Also offices and businesses celebrate this day. Since it is declared a national holiday by the government of india, all the institutions, government or otherwise, have holiday. People only go to their offices to attend the flag hoisting ceremony.

Today they are jubilating the 68th anniversary. I celebrated the 66th. At the school I, as a newcomer, wore my first saree. I borrowed it from a teacher who is, at least, 40 pounds thinner than me. But they managed to stuff me into it. It was another matter to be able to breathe, but...

Everybody brought me anklets, bangles, earrings, flowers, necklaces,... so that I was pretty enough for the occasion. Bindhi (red dot on the forehead) included. I felt a little funny. A mixture of feelings. I felt like a geek, but at the same time I felt flattered since I sensed I was merging with them.

Everyone wanted to take a picture of me. That is the day when I lost my fear (or better said, allergy) of having my pic taken.

All the students at the school had prepared dances and songs.

Afterwards we played games and there was also a parade. It was a great way of breaking the ice. From that moment on I felt I was part of the institution.

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY TO MY INDIAN FRIENDS!

SPANISH COOKERY IN INDIA

In a year you have time to get used to things and to get fed up with them. You also have time to miss others. It's not my case. I didn't really miss anyone or anything, but Spanish food was always welcomed. 

Sometimes, when my friend and I got really bored, we began fantasizing about having a Western dinner. We had a craving for pizza and paella, respectively. Sometimes we dreamed up a whole menu. It didn't sate our hunger; it only made our mouths water. 

After some months in India, my friend brought me a little can of olive oil. I remember having some toast with it as my Christmas lunch. I couldn't imagine a better delicacy than that! Every now and then I poured a few drops on a tomato and cucumber salad. Yummy! I made it last as if it were black gold! 

On another occasion he told me on the phone he had bought some ham for me. More than ever I was longing for his coming back. My surprise was when I opened the packet. It was not the famous Spanish Serrano ham but the boiled version; which is nice, but not that inviting. Don't get me wrong! I ate it with pleasure. 

Finally, the real ham came. It was the best present ever. I was about to set up an altar for it as Indians do for their gods. Moreover I know it was an odyssey to get it, so I appreciated it even more. My friend had to run like a maniac in the supermarket and nearly missed the bus. It's a pity I'd run out of oil by then. 

 

Although I am a fussy person, I was determined to try everything I was offered. Indians are not that way, though. 

They are not really fond of fungi. Once I was walking in the country and I saw some mushrooms, similar to the oyster mushrooms we eat in Spain. I decided to cook them for me and for the boarding school workers. I've got to admit that the dish left a lot to be desired, but the fact is that they didn't even make the effort to try them. Only one of them tasted the mushrooms, and, using Indian absence of sincerity, said they were OK, but he didn't have a second helping. 

Another day, taking advantage of the fact that the 'bosses' were away, I prepared a paella. Well, sort of! It had all its ingredients (adapted to the Indian market) but it was tasteless. Being an expert in rice dishes as I am, I guess it's the kind of rice used there, which doesn't absorb flavours. Everybody tried it, but as it was not hot, they didn't like it. Only when they added pickle or any other hot sauce, did they eat it.

And the same happened with another rice dish I prepared (tuna rice). Everyone added any available pungent sauce. My friend and I had two helpings, though. It was a time when we were a bit weary of the repetitive Indian cuisine. 

And the same old story when my mother came to visit me, and so to show the cooks some Spanish cooking, she sautéed some chicken livers (which were delicious, by the way). Six of one and half a dozen of the other! It was not hot. Translated into 'Indian', it was waste. 

But all in all, I love Indian food. And I missed it when I was in the Dominican Republic. The spices prevent you from sweating, which would have been great in such humid weather. 

The idea of opening a Spanish restaurant somewhere has crossed my mind. Now, taking full account of my fiasco, I know it can't be in India. 

P.S.: The awesome paella at the beginning of this post is not the one I cooked! 

INDIAN SUPERSTITIONS

India, being the hub of diverse cultures and traditions, is also home to myriad superstitions. There superstitions abound. They are usually attributed to lack of education. Yet, they are followed stringently, even by the so-called liberated, modern, scientific minds. Though most of them don't want to believe them, these practices are so deep rooted that Indians are not prepared to take the risk of ignoring them. Some of these beliefs are centuries old and have a story behind that makes them logical, but we simply forget why we started doing it and now do it mechanically. Some have their basis in religious beliefs, others in scientific facts and others in no conceivable reason.

 

One superstition that cracked me up was when one of the cooks, Anitha, after witnessing two or three of the rows I had with my 'bosses' there (showing my strong character, which is something a woman never does in India), stared at my toes and blurted, "Now I know why your husband left you! Your index toes are longer than your big toes! That's why!" I laughed my ass off!

 

On another occasion I was cutting my nails and some of my students screamed blue murder. They came running to warn me of the dangers of doing so on that day. I don't remember which day it was, but one of them told me that cutting your nails on a Friday or Tuesday is considered bad luck. But then another student said that it was not on a Tuesday, but on a Thursday. So... And the same happens with your hair. Mind you which day you go to the hairdresser's!

 

A separate chapter is needed for menstruation! That is a taboo. Nobody speaks openly about having their period or needing a sanitary towel. I've also had some funny stories trying to 'smuggle' a sanitary napkin in a class. Menstruating women are considered impure and unclean. This, of course, gives rise to many superstitious beliefs. Women on their period can't touch certain plants. They would die (the plants, not the women). One day, Leena, the other cook, whispered in my ear to pluck some leaves of a plant to cook; she said she couldn't do it because she had 'that thing'. When I told her that I also had 'that thing', we had to go and find a purer soul to do it.

 

A woman who is menstruating is also supposed to stay away from temples, mosques and all religious spots in the house itself. The cleaner in charge of sweeping the church next to the school where I taught had to ask the other cleaner to do it. She simply crossed herself and went past the church.

 

When a girl's first menstruation arrives there is a ritual. The girl is specially dressed and decorated with bracelets and mehndi; she has meetings with women as well as the whole family. Each girl undergoes a short separation time, when she is fed special food to get extra strength. During this time she is visited by friends; she can't leave the house (for 9 days, if I remember correctly). Elder women sing songs for her and prepare her a scented bath. She is usually wrapped in beautiful fabric and she receives presents.

 

 

Astrology is an integral part of Indian culture. Even today, many people prefer to do some things such as entering a newly made home, fixing a marriage proposal or a marriage date, starting a new business, etc., according to their astrological belief. These auspicious dates are often decided by an astrologer.

 

Then they have the lizards. If a lizard makes a sound when you make a statement, that's a good omen. It indicates that what you said is true. If a lizard falls on your body, that also means something. And they do fall! Never in my life has a 'Spanish' lizard fallen on me. Yet, while I was in India, they fell on me every other day! If one falls on your head, then you are ready for a clash; if it falls on your shoulder, that means victory; if it falls on your hands, you may expect financial profits. And that goes on and on and on.

 

Another jinx is seeing a black cat. Especially when you're going to work. You are supposed to turn round, go back into your house, pray and then go to work. Either you do that or your work that day won't be successful.

 

Never ever use your left hand to give or take anything (you know what the left hand is used for in India!).

 

It also brings bad luck standing in a doorway. You cannot stand on the threshold. You either get in or out. That is exactly the opposite of what we are told here, where there is risk of having earthquakes.

 

And the last superstition I can recall has to do with babies. This one made me laugh out loud! Anitha had a baby. You know that Indians make a fuss about the skin colour. The darker, the uglier! So, Anitha had a pretty dark baby. She is quite dark, too. So no surprise whatsoever (for me). She admitted that she was to blame, but not because she is rather black, but because she didn't have pomegranate or powder milk while she was pregnant! If she'd had, the result would have been completely different. I wonder if Indians think that the mothers of albino children are on a pomegranate and powder milk diet all their pregnancies and the diet gets out of hand at some point. Ah! I had forgotten! Women always sit on the floor to do all the tasks, but during her pregnancy she insisted on sitting on the floor and not using one of the low stools we had in the kitchen. The reason? If you sit on a stool or a chair while you are pregnant, your child's nose will be huge! My mother must have sat somewhere really high!

 

Another superstition babies have to put up with is having that kohl dot their mothers put on their faces to ward off evil eye. The 'logic' behind this process is that doing so makes the child in question look ugly, and therefore unattractive to the evil eye.

 

 

I possibly forgot some of the superstitious stories, but with this bunch you can have an idea of how credulous (I didn't want to use the word gullible) Indians are!  

THREADING

 

Threading is an ancient method of hair removal that has been practiced in India for over 6000 years, but for me it was something unknown. I'd seen it ina a documentary on televisión (if you haven't, take a gander at the ling at the end of the blog), but I'd never tried. It's hever crossed my mind. But one day, I was at a hairdresser's in Hyderabad and the "hairdresser" began doing it to a client. I wrote hairdresser between quotation marks because she was not a conventional one. She began cutting my hair without even wetting it, let alone washing it! When I nicely reprobated her method, she just sprayed some water on my hair to moisten it. It's fair to say that some months later I went to another salón in Bangalore and there the hair stylist did cut my hair Western-style.

 

As I was saying, a woman was having her moustache done. Seeing that she didn't seem to suffer much, I decided to give it a try, but not without first asking for the price. As I mentioned in another post, tariffs are usually different for Indians and for foreigners. I was given a reasonable figure so I ventured to have my eyebrows done. The beautician took a long piece of thin thread in her hands and mouth, doubled it and then twisted it. She then rolled it over my eyebrows, plucking short lines of hair. It was fast, precise, cheap and painless.

 

Later on, I went again with my friend Leena to a salón in Punganur. That time it was also OK. Not that fast, but at least it was painless. But the last time I went (even though it was the same specialist) it was as painful as hell. Had it been that excruciating the first time, I'd never have had it done again. That day I learnt to say 'pain' in Telugu, which, by the way, I still remember: NOPPI.

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LERu-x79TIU

SWASTIKA

At this stage of the game you must have realized that everything in India shocked me. Another thing that startled me was the Swastikas.

 

I saw Swastikas everywhere, on cars, buses, buildings, autos, clothing, business logos and even on cakes. Swastikas seemed to be ubiquitous! I've even read that Swastik and Swastika are common first names for males and females respectively (I didn't meet anyone called like that, though!).

 

Of course, I (biased by the western stigmatized idea of being associated with Nazism, anti-Semitism, hatred, violence, death and murder) immediately thought that Indians were crazy and had all been abducted by Hitler's spirit! I actually freaked out! Surprisingly, I don't have any anecdotes to tell you. I didn't insult any Indian calling him Nazi or anything of the kind.

 

Later I learnt that before the Nazis used this symbol to show racial purity and superiority, the Swastika was used my many cultures to represent the sun, life, power, strength and good luck.

 

The Swastika, in case you don't know,  is an equilateral cross, with four arms of equal length with the end of each bent at a right angle, all in the same rotary direction. sometimes dots are added between each arm.

 

Jainas use it to remind the worshiper of the four possible places of rebirth (in the animal or plant world, in hell, on Earth, or in the spirit world).

 

In Hinduism it represents the principle originating the universo of life, with the four swirling arms representing the four faces of Brahma. The right-hand Swastika is a solar symbol, while the left-hand one (called Sauvastika) stands for night, the terrigying goddess Kali and magical practices. In Sanskrit it means literally 'well-being' or 'everything is well'. Hindus draw them on the doors and entrances to their houses during festivals to symbolize an invitation to goddess Lakshmi. In Indian custom, new cars are sometimes painted with a Swastika to signify blessing for road safety. It also represents the natural order, wealth, desire and liberation.

 

And Buddhists refer to it as the Seal on Buddha's Heart.

 

So, the moral would be: before judging (assuming, for example, that an entire country is nuts), get informed!